My story! I have only writen a little, what you think?

Should I change anything?(names, or actions) tell me if i could any grammar or spelling wrong.
Also rate it out 10, thanks in advance. oh and tell the truth dont say anything like “oh its sooo good” because i know you will only want the best answer. thanks!

I woke up to the sounds of screaming, my dad came running in “It’s okay Elle it’s okay” he kept repeating. I realised the screams were coming from my throat. I was breathing heavily trying to soothe myself.
“Im okay now” I croaked.
“Honey did you have that dream again?” he asked. I started crying “it won’t go away dad, why won’t it go away?” I sobbed. Dad was crying too now.
“I don’t know, I just don’t know” he whispered. I tried to stop crying, but I couldn’t. The dream just kept replaying over and over in my head. You know the funny thing is that it wasn’t just a dream it really happened, actually it’s not funny at all. “Why don’t you go back to sleep now?” he asked wiping away his tears.
“I will, but Dad can you stay here with me?” I asked. Yes I was 16 but I wanted to have my dad close to me after a horrible event that occurred just last week.
“Okay honey, I will stay with you until you need me” he said getting under the blanket and holding me close to his heart. That night like every other night since last week I cried myself to sleep.
‘I walked through the front door, hearing my brother’s cry for help. I ran into the lounge room to find two strange men wearing cloaks with a hood so you couldn’t see their face holding a gun to Dan’s head. I screamed “Nooo!” I ran to my brother but I didn’t make it in time. The gun went off and he fell limp to the ground. The men ran out the broken window faster than I thought was even human but I didn’t care how fast they ran. I went to my Dan’s side and looked for his heart beat. It was there, at that moment I knew my brother had been murdered. I began crying until my dad had to drag me away while the policemen covered my brother up.’
I woke up yet again screaming, my dad was already there comforting me with his usual calming voice. He got up and asked “Im putting the kettle on would you want a cup?” I sat up and said
“Yeah I would, and dad I think it’s time I go to school” he looked almost shocked
“Are you sure? You know there is no rush with them sending work home” he said.
“Yes I know, but im not learning the same. Plus I miss my friends” I replied to my dad.
“Alright if you think you’re ready then you’re ready” he said. Then he walked outside of my room and shut the door behind him. I slowly got up and walked to the shower, I stood under the hot water watching the room fill with steam. After about 20 minutes I thought that I had wasted enough water so I got out. I put my school uniform on, along with my shoes that I found at the bottom of my wardrobe. I gave my hair a quick brush and walked out of my room. I found my dad downstairs; I saw only two cups of coffee sitting on the table. There were usually three when I came down for school. I almost threw up in my mouth when I remembered there would never be again be a cup of coffee sitting there for my brother. Tears started prickling down my eyes; I clenched my stomach because it started hurting again. Dad turned around and my damp face “It’s going to take a long time before the pain goes away, but we can do that because we will look out for each other okay” he said. “I know I’ll be strong today. Can you drive me to school now?” I asked drinking the last of my coffee. “Of course I will” he said smiling. “I’ll just get the car keys and then we will go okay?” he said.
I nodded washing my cup and putting in the dishwasher. I went to wait in the car and I thought I saw someone in a cloak but when I blinked no one was there. The drive to school was the longest one yet.

can you please rate the first chapter of my story?

please rate it out of 10

Hole. Tiny droplets of rain hit the surface of Mathews face as he sprinted across the street in the middle of the night. The street was in a town called smallville, which for some reason was a very large town with a large variety of facilities and options. Mathew was running to call for help.
This is what happened: He was exploring an old abandoned football stadium with his best friend Jake. “Come on Mathew lets go” said Jake to Mathew. They went in and started to explore the pitch. They found a hole in the ground and something was glowing at the bottom. It was a luminous object that the two boys couldn’t identify. It was jakes idea to go down and get that object. He thought it could be valuable. They both went in there and suddenly they were attacked by a creature that hit them both with a wooden bat. Mathew didn’t know what it was but he was sure it wasn’t human. They both fell to the ground unconscious.
When Mathew woke up he saw Jake beside him sitting as still as ever. Wearing a black shirt and some torn jeans. But through his stomach was a machete and blood was bursting out of the wound. Mathew new it was too late to save him. He starred at his friend in horror. He couldn’t believe his eyes, his brain was trying to comprehend the sight in front of him. He realized that he was in a room and was tied to a table. He tried to free himself but failed the task. It was tied carefully, but Mathew spotted a glass bottle on the table. He shook himself which obviously shook the table. The bottle fell down shattering the glass. Mathew got the sharpest piece he could find and cut the rope freeing him. He was surprised to find the door unlocked. He heard two men talking to each other. He looked at them and saw how muscular they were. Each one was at least six foot tall. Mathew took the chance and crept past them and into the kitchen. He found a backdoor which was basic in any English house. He was in the back garden know, which was full of red roses. He climbed over a wooden fence and onto the road. At first he didn’t know where he was but then he found out he was close to the stadium. He started running bare footed because he left his shoes inside. The ground was very cold and the sky was raining. It was very cold and it was in mid December, one of the coldest times in England. He decided to run straight to the police station.
“Are you sure kid? This is very serious,” said the officer. Matthew hadn’t told him about the creature, he just mentioned his friend. When they got there, they saw a married couple sitting and eating dinner. There was no sign of his friend or the two men. Then they went to the stadium and the officer went in the hole. The officer took a very long time inside. Then his head stuck out motionless. Mathew stared to freak out but then the officer stood up and out of the hole. Something was suspicious about him. He was being too friendly and there was a mysterious logo on his neck. He led Mathew to a shed in a public park. Mathew was starting to ask where are they going but the officer suddenly hit him with an uppercut in the chin taking the breathe out of Mathew..

can you please rate this first chapter of my story?

please rate this out of 10 and im 14 years old if you must know

Hole. Tiny droplets of rain hit the surface of Mathews face as he sprinted across the street in the middle of the night. The street was in a town called smallville, which for some reason was a very large town with a large variety of facilities and options. Mathew was running to call for help.
This is what happened: He was exploring an old abandoned football stadium with his best friend Jake. “Come on Mathew lets go” said Jake to Mathew. They went in and started to explore the pitch. They found a hole in the ground and something was glowing at the bottom. It was a luminous object that the two boys couldn’t identify. It was jakes idea to go down and get that object. He thought it could be valuable. They both went in there and suddenly they were attacked by a creature that hit them both with a wooden bat. Mathew didn’t know what it was but he was sure it wasn’t human. They both fell to the ground unconscious.
When Mathew woke up he saw Jake beside him sitting as still as ever. Wearing a black shirt and some torn jeans. But through his stomach was a machete and blood was bursting out of the wound. Mathew new it was too late to save him. He starred at his friend in horror. He couldn’t believe his eyes, his brain was trying to comprehend the sight in front of him. He realized that he was in a room and was tied to a table. He tried to free himself but failed the task. It was tied carefully, but Mathew spotted a glass bottle on the table. He shook himself which obviously shook the table. The bottle fell down shattering the glass. Mathew got the sharpest piece he could find and cut the rope freeing him. He was surprised to find the door unlocked. He heard two men talking to each other. He looked at them and saw how muscular they were. Each one was at least six foot tall. Mathew took the chance and crept past them and into the kitchen. He found a backdoor which was basic in any English house. He was in the back garden know, which was full of red roses. He climbed over a wooden fence and onto the road. At first he didn’t know where he was but then he found out he was close to the stadium. He started running bare footed because he left his shoes inside. The ground was very cold and the sky was raining. It was very cold and it was in mid December, one of the coldest times in England. He decided to run straight to the police station.
“Are you sure kid? This is very serious,” said the officer. Matthew hadn’t told him about the creature, he just mentioned his friend. When they got there, they saw a married couple sitting and eating dinner. There was no sign of his friend or the two men. Then they went to the stadium and the officer went in the hole. The officer took a very long time inside. Then his head stuck out motionless. Mathew stared to freak out but then the officer stood up and out of the hole. Something was suspicious about him. He was being too friendly and there was a mysterious logo on his neck. He led Mathew to a shed in a public park. Mathew was starting to ask where are they going but the officer suddenly hit Mathew with an uppercut in the chintaking the breathe out of Mathew..

THE NEXT CHAPTER! 10 POINTS!?

OK, earlier I postd the beginning of my story, I suggest you read that also. But, please rate (on a scale from 1 to 10_ this portion of the book. I’m only 15.
Michael Woods was in an usually good mood for a cool, late-November, monday. On his way home he had stopped by the general store and purchased a stroller and a few baby toys. Althought the baby wasn’t due for another twelve weeks, the money in his wallet was burning a whole in his pocket. The shoe department store that Michael worked for had just promoted him to manager, with a ten dollar pay raise.

He skipped out of the the store and drove home listening to classical music run in is head. Michael prefered Bach, and Beethoven as the best musicians. He was a classy man, a man who shined his shoes and oiled his hair every morning so he could look his very best. He wasn’t a cocky man, he just ensured style and quality. He made sure he and his wife drank the best, most preferred wine in the whole state of Connecticut.

Michael pulled into their two-story home just in time for supper. He hoped to walk into the house with the smell of beef-tips and white rice cooking on the stove. He opened the door and stepped into the dark house. No beef-tips, and no rice, no food even. All was quiet. Michael grew worried. She probably had a doctors appointment that I didn’t know about, he thought to himself. But, he had the car all day. How would she have gotten there? Maybe, Melanie Turbin gave her a ride. Suddenly, Michael remembered that the Turbin’s were in Hawaii for their one year anniversary. Frank had told him so last Friday while they both shared a beer. He could remember Frank saying: “We are NOT coming back until Melanie is pregnant.”

Michael took his coat off and hung it on the coat hanger in the closet beside the front door. There were no sounds in the house, besides his slow foot steps. Then he said, in almost a whisper: “Honey? Rachel?” No reply. He mounted the stair case, holding onto the banister for dear life. He called to her a second time. But still no reply. Finally, he lost it: “Damnit Rachel! Answer me!” He was suddenly running full-speed up the stairs.

She wasn’t in their bedroom or bathroom. He crossed the hall a entered the soon to be nursery. She wasn’t there either. Suddenly, Michael saw that the bathroom door was cracked open. Rachel hardly ever closed a door in the house. “Rachel?” he said aloud, pushing the door open.

The door slowely opened as he stepped into a puddle of something. He looked down to see….Was it….was it, blood? Kneeling to the ground, he dabbed his index finger in the liquid and brought it to his face. Yes, it was definitley blood. Red, smearing blood. He glanced up at the shower, curtain closed. While getting to his feet, he tugged on the shower curtain. He saw….he saw, feet? Rachel feet. Rachel’s feet smeared in dark oozing blood! Pulling the shower curtain more revealed Rachel’s limp, unconscious body. He screamed a high, girlish scream. “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!” he muttered to himself while going into the next room for a phone.

He picked up the phone and called the ambulance. “Hello!? Oh, yes it’s my wife. I think she’s had a miscarriage.” he screamed, placing the phone back into it;s holder. Then, he raced back into the bathroom. He cried as he took a damp cloth and pressed against his wifes head. Her blonde hair was a mess, and sweat dripped from her brow. He watched as the water dripped from her brow to the tip of her nose, and onto the crevice of her lip.

In the distance, Michael could here a siren approaching. He hoped and prayed that Rachel wouldn’t die. If only he hadn’t of stopped at the store, he might have been here in time to phone the ambulance sooner. He ran his finger down her neck and onto her dress, around her breasts and felt her stomach hoping the baby would maybe move. No. He knew that, he knew the baby had to be dead. It was obvious. Michael suddenly saw that her hand was grasping something. He lifted her arm from the blood and saw that she was holding a rubber syringe. “What the hell!?” he screamed, letting her arm splatter in the blood. He rose to his feet and cursed, kicking the tub. He turned to see himself in the mirror. In the backround of the mirror he saw Rachel, still holding the syringe in her hand. Everything happened so fast. He smashed his hand into the mirror and watched as tiny shards of glass flew in every direction. “Baby, why the hell would you be so stupid! You damn idiot!” he screamed, knowing that no one could hear him but his own self.

He didn’t want to think about the matter at hand, so he got a broom and pan and began to sweep up the fragments of glass. He imagined that Rachel was maybe washing her hands and began to feel a pain so unbearable that she laid in the tub,and….and miscarried? Pe
Perhaps, he thought. Suddenly, the ambulance truck drove into their drive-way. The siren so loud, it was almost unbearable. He glanced out the window and saw two men wearing white suits haul a gurney from the rear of the truck. The sirens shut off. Once again, all was silent.

whatkind of party animal are u?

The weeper
“You all hate me” is the typical line used by the weeper numerous times during the party. She is likely to spend most of the evening in the rest room holding the hand of a friend, who is patiently listening to her anguish, tears, and whiny vomiting. The weeper is a phase most girls go through when they get drunk for the first time every year.

The DAMP child
She is the cheerful type who does excessively energetic cartwheels and juggles beer bottles while claiming “I’m not drunk, I’m just in a really good mood”, even though her eyes are rolling around in her head and her cheeks are blushing. She is simply impossible to bear in the long run and is likely to be sent into the kitchen to do the dishes. This type may turn into the weeper during the late hours.

Biker chick
This type goes into macho mode when she gets drunk. She becomes boastful and loud and belches a lot. She usually hangs out with the guys shocking them with foul-smelling, record-breaking belching after putting away a large drink of beer. She is really pushy and likely to tell all kinds of lies, for instance about working as a locksmith.

Cinderella
This is the faint-hearted, shy girl, who with just a touch of alcohol in her blood blossoms out and emits a very special radiance. She doesn’t necessarily say very much, but for some reason she is the one getting all the attention and the one all the guys want to dance with. When the party ends, she can never find her shoes, which she has left somewhere during the evening’s heavy disco dancing.

The Barbie type
Once the food has been cleared away, she is likely to place herself in the lap of all the men she is considering getting intimate with later on. She is eagerly watching out for attention and flirting. She is usually all the other girls’ party nightmare. This is because she is extremely thin even though she has just consumed a side of pork. And she usually leaves the party with the best looking guy there.

Numskull Jackie
This girl may very well be petite, but her size is apparantly increasing at an alarming rate and proportionally with the number of times she yells cheers. She is likely to overturn the gravy dish and step on people’s toes when she is dancing. You are likely to see her running around somewhat uneasy saying sorry most of the evening.

The bullshitter
This guy doesn’t get plastered until comparatively late in the evening. He is likely to spill beer on someone, if not himself, and respond with a stupid grin. Once the bullshitter has reached the end of his line, it is very difficult to get through to him. He rambles incessantly. It sounds as if he is saying something, but when you ask him to repeat what he said, he just shakes his head absentmindedly while gazing at the ceiling with a stupid grin on his face.

The loving philosopher
This guy always ends up sitting on a couch drinking beer while telling a friend how much he loves him and how much he appreciates their friendship. In such situations, the philosopher experiences really deep feelings and mumbles about the meaning of life. In some situations he may feel a spontaneous need for a hug from his best friend.

The skirt chaser
He is normally a pretty quiet guy. But once he has downed his first beer, the skirt chaser turns into a charming Latin lover, who is only looking for one thing! Without thought for the consequences, he hits on everything with a pulse. This starts with a hand on a thigh under the table and flirting glances during the first course, but soon the hunter retires to the host’s bedroom, where he lays his prey on the guests’ coats. If this skirt chaser hasn’t bagged his prey by one o’clock, he’s in trouble. By this time, the alcohol has made him drunk as a skunk and completely unable to score.

The stripper king
This guy just wants to get naked. It usually only takes a couple of beers for him to ask someone if they want to be naked with him. When not drunk, the stripper king is a perfectly normal guy. But once the party starts, he feels compelled to show off his sparse chest hair and pimply ass. The minute the music starts, you can find him on the nearest table doing The Full Monty.

The professor
This guy becomes smarter and smarter with each beer he downs. At least that’s what he thinks. He loves to debate. Be it politics, science, or sports: he knows everything. All the other people at the table are getting tired of him and his loud, know-it-all manner. As the evening drags on, he gets really close to getting punched in the eye.

The stoner
The stoner is always nagging people to play drinking games with him as he is really bad at socializing with other people when he is not drunk out of his wits. He usually gets quite good at socializing, but subsequently gets stoned out, pukes, and falls asleep in the rest room. He stays here taking turns between sleeping and puking. The rest of the guests have to come up with alternatives for using the rest room.

What are a good pair of outdoor running shoes for women?

I’ve always run on the elliptical and treadmill and I have a great pair of Nike Air Maxs that I LOVE. BUT I just started running outside around my neighborhood and they are not cutting it, my feet are killing me. Since I’m not normally an outdoor runner, I’m not sure what features to look for in a good outdoor running shoe. Any suggestions or tips would be greatly appreciated.

Trying to lose 5 pounds/become lean, running tips…?

I am 5’3 and started my fitness plan at 125 pounds trying to get to 115. I am currently around 120. I have been watching my portions, drinking slimquick with hoodia for appetite control, not eating after 7pm, cut back on alcohol, no soda, protein shakes, etc. I have been running 30 minutes a day now for 14 days straight. I have asthma so it has taken me time to be able to run the entire 30 straight. I finally was able to comfortably run the 30 minutes at 4.5 speed on the treadmill and have recently increased it to 5.0 for the last ten minutes. To reach my fitness goals and desired weight, can you give me tips and running goals for a 28 year old women to continue improving my running abilities and work toward a lean runners physique? Thanks!

Best Running Magazine for Women?

I’m looking to buy a running magazine subscription, but I’m not sure which one would be the best for me. I’m a beginner runner and I would love to find a magazine that has tips and info for running and nutrition as well as some other info.

The magazine doesn’t have to be geared towards women, but ladies if you subscribe to one that you love please let me know!

Thanks

need help meeting women, any tips?

I go to clubs and bars alot in DC and seem to either meet the wrong types of women or someone i cant click with and the ones intersted in me arent right for me, im not really shy and i can be outgoing, i have a good personality and im good looking, i just seem to be single forever.. anyone have any tips on how to meet someone great or what youve done to meet women, im running out of ideas lol.
oh yea im 25 and i am a mechanic and i race mustangs one the side, i am also in a rock band and play guitar, i love music, cars football, SKINS.. and drinking lol.

can any women that work for avon give me any tips on getting my busneiss up and running.?

im on my 3rd champain and nobody is buying. I want to give up but i want to do good at the same time. can anyone help.

Tips for running the mile my usual time is 8mins?

Today I’m running the mile ( practice is later today) I really wanna try and get my mile under 7:30 I picked out 3 songs pump it by black eye peas, im every woman chaka khan ( 2 songs = 7 mins) and then 1 girl revolution by super chick… I just did my inhaler and then ill do it again b4 I run… do u have any tips for running?

Tips for my running issue?

I’m 155 pounds 5’9 and I want to join the Army. I’m trying to train for basic and to be an Airborne Infantry and possibly a Ranger. My problem is I was running yesterday and realized after just 4 minutes of running my body started to give up on me! Holy shit, I’m out of shape!… Any dang good tips on being able to improve my running from military men and women who may have experienced the same thing? Thanks.